Sacred Love Articles
What is Sacred Love?
Today, I’m going to speak to you about Sacred Love. Last week I sent out a love quote about preparing yourself emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually for Sacred Love and I got a question back.
Please define Sacred Love.
Well, thank you for your question and I’m very happy to do so.
So, here at sacredlove.com, we have a mission and our mission is to inspire and support people just like yourself all around the world to open up to the possibility of and enjoy the experience of the highest quality, most meaningful, most empowered, ecstatic love. That is what Sacred Love is. It’s high quality, meaningful, empowered, ecstatic love.
This is a real experience. It’d not just a dream. It’s not a fantasy. It is possible. And the key to having Sacred Love in your life is to prepare yourself. Prepare yourself emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.
Develop yourself as capital L-O-V-E-R, lover. Identify as the lover. A lover is someone who understands and acts from a place of artful loving. It is not about all the right moves or the right line at the right time. It’s about why you love, why you do what you do, and then how you do it.
So, when you focus on why you love and then how you do it. What you do is just the natural extension and connecting in to the deep why of Sacred Love to the way you love will open up just incredible new worlds to you in the experience of loving another.
And you will naturally attract someone who can identify great love, high quality love, meaningful, ecstatic love who wants it. Who’s not hanging out in game plan that’s for adolescents. This is someone who is ready for the real bang.
I encourage you to claim that experience, the experience of Sacred Love for yourself.
20 Ways to Enjoy a Day of Love
Romantic gifts traditionally include roses, candy, dinner and maybe great dancing.
While all wonderful, we would like to also add 20 different spices to infuse your romance, any day, with the unforgettable.
Here are some suggestions for couples to spend a day together full of fun, love, play and intimacy.
One, arise at 5:30 am and make love as the sun comes up.
Two, express "I love you" to your partner in 36 different ways throughout the day.
Three, sing a Love Song to your Lover.
Four, learn a new skill together
Five, take a bubble bath by candlelight together
Six, practice Breath of Pleasure found in the How to Have the Best Sex Ever Ebook together before and during a great make out session
Seven, create a sacred love temple in one room and enjoy love play and ceremony all afternoon
Eight, wrap yourself in blankets and head out to nature. Toast the love in your life with your favorite bubbly.
Nine, dance the night away at a place you never go.
Here are some suggestions for singles to spend a day full of fun, adventure and connectivity with someone new.
One, wake up and hike to the top of the mountain at sunrise and experience the love of nature and the universe
Two, Call everyone you love and wish them a loving day.
Three, Express I love you to yourself in 36 different ways throughout the day.
Four, Enhance your know how as a lover with 1000 Years of Sexual Wisdom Ebook.
Five, Meet a friend and enjoy embodying goddesses or gods of love all day.
Six, Take yourself to a wonderful lunch where you can people watch.
Seven, Enjoy an intimate moment: massage the breasts, ovaries or testicles to nourish your sexual health.
Eight, write or copy a great love poem. place the poem in the right far corner of your room from the door, to Feng Shui more love into your life.
Nine, Play the Sacred Love CD by Sting and dance and sing to it
Ten, Socialize with other interesting singles at a singles event or meet a new potential love interest out for drinks.
Eleven, dance the night away a cool singles hangout with a friend.
Whatever stage you are at in your love life, whether single or in relationship, remember everyday you can gift your life with your own love lifestyle and make a fantastic day filled with love.
What Makes a High Quality Relationship
How do I lay a foundation for a high quality relationship?
Well, this is a wonderful relationship question to ponder.
How does one create a foundation for a high quality relationship? There are few essential aspects to creating a high quality relationship.
One is respect. Respect each other. You know when you’re feeling respect for another person, when you value them. You value their time. You value their presence. You value their heart. You value what they have to say. You value their body. You respect them.
You also know what it feels like to be respected. When you feel really good being with someone. When you feel that you’re on solid ground. When you feel supported and loved for who you are in all the aspects of yourself. You know when you are truly respected.
Now, if you have time together. When you set aside time to just be together and the other person is on their cellphone, texting or calling, you know you’re not being respected when you have to call the other person into alignment with you.
Are you really here for this relationship at this moment? Or other things are going to take priority in this moment.
Now, there are a lot of different moments in a day when we can prioritize work and we can prioritize children and we can prioritize vast responsibilities in our life but we have to give our relationships respect.
Secondly, focus on your independence. Keep passion about something and enjoy going after it and learning about it and doing something that’s meaningful to you and meaningful in general. This gives you a lot of juice for life and it also gives you a lot to bring back to your relationship to nourish and expand the possibilities there.
And thirdly, focus on the elements that make a partnership rich, the things that make it romantic. When you can communicate - I adore you, I cherish you, I love you, I want to be with you right now through your actions, through your words. Then you are keeping your relationship alive and thriving.
The notes, the flowers on the bedside, this special date that you set up, listening to your partner when they’ve had a really challenging moment or giving your partner some loving care, running them a bubble bath or giving them a massage when they’re feeling stressed out. All these little things. Say to your partnership, I want to be with you and you alone. And this is what you set a lot in thriving.
You are the ones needed in our relationships by letting everything in the world become more of a priority than are intimacy by letting everything in the world take precedence and we kill it with nicety instead of truth. We kill it with dinners instead of you present with each other. We are responsible for making it as great as it can be.
I encourage you, I challenge you to lay down the foundation for a high quality relationship. It will serve you for years to come.
Six Easy Tips to Help You Love With Courage
Courage: Bravery, Quality of Spirit, which faces danger without flinching. Fortitude.
To Love: Passionate devotion
It takes real courage to love well. A brave heart is required to give and receive, share, learn and keep growing in love. Faced with the variety of challenges, occasional ghouls and pitfalls, love is a feat of the emotional fittest.
When we have been hurt or saddened by a love experience it can leave us less than eager to be courageous in this department. Love though takes our bravery to create the kind of relationship that we really want.
Courage to love asks for a degree of detachment from the outcome. It involves connecting to your carefree and joyful nature. Courage also requires training yourself for love to make you ready for the sensitivity and application that you must have to consistently love well.
Detaching from the Outcome
Asking that special someone out, even if you are not sure they will want to go... Being the first to tell your new partner you are in love even if you don't know what they will say... Telling your lover the truth about what you want intimately even though it may be a challenging conversation... These are the moments that define a relationship.
Each of these acts of courage must happen to begin a relationship, bring you and your partner closer and keep growing in your relationship. Detachment to the outcome of the response supports you in being courageous in these moments.
Not that it isn't a bit scary, it is. However it can be energizing and exciting to take the risk in love and do what you thought you couldn't. By letting go of control to have it end up the way you want it to allows you to become more confident-- even if the answer doesn't go your way, and love with more courage and enthusiasm.
Your Carefree and Joyful Nature
Having lightness in your heart develops your courage. Children love naturally and easily. It is always a joy to have a child run up and throws their arms around you and gives you a hug and kiss. Connecting with your carefree, childlike nature can help you regain your passion, juice and courage to love with open arms.
Training yourself to be courageous in love begins with your mental attitudes and capacity to love and is completed in your courageous loving application with your loved one.
Love Yourself More
Are there aspects of yourself that you frequently criticize or don't feel good enough about? If so, what prevents you from loving yourself is your own critical mind.
Retraining the mind to not see what is wrong with you but what is right with you helps you to love yourself more. Finding love for those thighs, that funny quirk of yours, or the challenges that you are facing in your life right now all help to develop greater security in yourself that translates into more confidence and magnetism.
When we aren't loving ourselves we can find faults with others quickly. We attempt to bring them down to where we feel comfortable rather than build them up. Making others feel insecure and off balance doesn't enhance love, it destroys it. And holding others security in your hands is a sign of low self-esteem.
Loving yourself more opens up greater resources of love within you to more fully love and respect that special someone in your life.
To Love Another Courageously
To truly love another we have to learn to come out of ourselves for each other. It is our tendency to be absorbed in what we need and want, therefore always projecting those needs onto our partner. But we can train ourselves to be more sensitive to our partner's needs and desires which are separate from our own and still not leave ourselves out of the equation.
This is where our courage comes in.
We must be courageous to see our partner in their fullest joy and divine essence. We must learn to hear their truth, to respect and cherish them, to support them in having what they want in their lives, and to keep sharing and growing in love with them.
How we consistently apply our courage to loving our partner in these areas crystallizes the quality of our relationship. Courage to love another not for a few days, months, or years but for the long-term requires ongoing courage and creativity on our parts, abandoning our need to control, and a real and wondrous connection to our carefree and childlike joy.
Why is Love Difficult
Why is love so difficult? Why can it be easier to love someone?
Well, love in itself is not difficult. The absence of love is what is difficult. And we find ourselves in relationships where there are areas that one or both partners do not love themselves to value who they are authentically and value the other person authentically.
So, that’s what creates the strife and stress and hardship in a relationship is that lack of truly loving oneself. And so, if your relationship, your lovelife is stressed out, it’s difficult, it’s tiresome, challenging all the time. Then, it’s because you or your partner has not done enough work on the lover in yourself. And a lover is not just what you can do in the bedroom. A lover knows how to love. They know how to be in relationship. They know how to listen. They know how to receive the other person and they know how to support another human being.
Being a lover also translates into the bedroom and the skills you have for being with someone else’s body intimately for being present in intimacy, for being sensitive to what the other person needs to feel turned on and excited and wants to experiment and grow.
So, these are ways of getting to know and to love the lover in oneself, which makes it so much easier to love. And that what makes the relationship flow and what gives it the ease. What makes it difficult is when one person has decided this is all there is. That’s all I’m willing to do. I’m not interested in knowing more. I’m not interested in giving more. I’m not interested in receiving more.
And so, I encourage you to focus on being a lover.
Being a lover, make that part of your daily routine just like brushing your teeth, just like getting on the internet, just like doing an exercise workout, give yourself a little bit of time whether that’s 10 minutes to an hour of time everyday to focus on being a lover. This is what’s going to make love a lot more fun, a lot easier and the days of feeling that love is difficult will slowly pass away.
Do What You Say In Love
What do you do when a person that you were dating and really like keeps breaking their commitments?
Well, number one is that you check in and see if you were keeping your commitments. Are you being respectful? Are you honoring the partnership? Are you playing games because games are a sign that you are not being respectful or responsible to the relationship? So check in, make sure that you are.
And number two, don’t let this slide. You may think it’s going to get better? But it actually will not.
Third, really address this with the person. Let them know that they are breaking their commitment s with you. And have very specific examples of how this is taking place so that they’re clear on what you are experiencing.
You also need to let them know that this is not respectful to you and that this can’t continue. You can also ask why is this happening? And usually you will get a pretty straight answer of why this is happening. But any excuse in the book doesn’t make up for being disrespectful.
So fourth, you need to lay down a simple rule. Do what you say you’re going to do. Do what you say you’re going to do and see how they respond to this. If they’re really interested in a relationship with you, they’re going to step forward and they are going to do what they say they are going to do. And if they say ‘okay I will’ and then they start to falter, you need to bring it up and you need to bring it up quickly. If they get angry then they are really not interested in having a respectful accountable relationship with you on this level. And if they falter and you bring it up and they say ‘oh okay I got it’. Then, there’s an opportunity for them to get better and better at really being an accountable partner to you and in this relationship.
With these steps in place, you are on your way to having a trusting, conscious and successful relationship. And if not, it is time to say goodbye.
Expectations and Satisfaction
I want to have the relationship that I dreamt of. I feel that I get about half of what I want and need out of the relationship I have been in for the last seven years. How can I have more of what I dreamt I would have in a relationship?
I want to talk to you today a little bit about expectation and satisfaction. I recently read the art of choosing, which is field with interesting studies about why we choose what we choose and can we make better choices.
And one of the studies that they ran had to do with choosing a partner and what they did was they analysed people that had arranged marriages. Their families had arranged the marriage for them based on whether they thought that the person was a good match for them in a community way, in a family way, in a socio-economic way and measured the results of their happiness over time. And these are people that met usually a day or two or few weeks before they married. And they measured the satisfaction of these couples against people who had a love marriage like you or I who are free to choose who we went to, have and develop a love experience and a commitment and possibly a marriage.
The study was done of these couples over time and the satisfaction they had over time. And at the end of a 10-year period the measurement was that the people that had a love relationship, who had really sought out their partner and had met each other at that moment of matrimony in love. Over a 10-year period they had less satisfaction, whereas the couples that had an arranged marriage over time at the 10-year point had developed more satisfaction.
Why is that?
It is because they discover that the arranged couples had no expectation. Where the love couples had enormous expectation of what their lovelife be like, of what their partnership would look like all the years down the road.
Moral of the story in the study is sometimes our expectations get in the way of our satisfaction and it’s not to say that you should not dream, that you shouldn’t have very good standards, high standards for relationship. I want to encourage you to acknowledge your expectations and see if they really match the partnership, not your idea of someone, not your idea of yourself but who you really are and see what if that can bring you the sense of greater satisfaction in the moment in this relationship with this person. It doesn’t mean that you can’t grow, you can’t evolve, you can’t develop but you have to be aware that your expectations can be limiting your satisfaction.
And so, sometimes when you adjust your expectations to who you are and who your partner is and you acknowledge what is possible within this realm then the expectations become more truly meet. Experience the dream of now, the reality of now. Feel it as rich as it is actually is.
You may or may not have heard of the unified field. The unified field is our connection with ourselves and everything else in the world. But there’s something even more specific than the unified field and that’s the unified heart field – that our heart is actually connected to every other heart in the world and that’s a powerful concept.
There is actually one pulse underneath our seeming world of duality. What does this have to do with personal love? In the world of duality love cannot exist without fear. This plays out in personal relationships-our self in that potential partner – our self in the person we’re committed to-our self and the person we’re married to-our self and the former partner. And there can be a lot of different dynamics going on between our self and other and that creates all that pain and aches and anxiety and stress that we feel in a personal lovelife. But as we sink deeper into a knowing and understanding a consciousness that our heart is actually one with all hearts, then we start to shift from duality to wholeness, separation to oneness.
And so, what I want to encourage you to do in regards to any personal relationship dynamic that you’re going through right now is to come into the space of wholeness within yourself. The divine masculine and the divine feminine that true partnership that you are seeking to cultivate in your own personal lovelife actually deepens and cultivates and brews and matures inside of you. This is truly where sacred love begins inside in that divine cauldron of yourself. This has to happen before anything external happens in a healthy way is the maturity of the inner couple and this may feel very abstract to heart difficult concept to get but as you meditate on the true masculine for you and the true feminine for you, watching them come together, bringing them together and nurturing that inner relationship, you will start to see the shifts in the external world.
That is unifying your own heart, your own sense of personal relationship within. Allow that to come to you rather than seeking, looking, searching. If you followed the news in Occupy Wallstreet, you’ll see that this Friday they are actually holding an event called “Occupy Yourself”, which is going inside of yourself. Basically, taking yourself out of the external dynamics of life and working, doing to connect to that inner sense of occupation and I think it’s a recognition on the society level of what we’re discussing on the personal level.
It has to be born here it can be born elsewhere and that unity creates ripples and waves into the unified heart. And we are all underneath it all one heart , which is all abundance, all love, all unity.
I encourage you to check out the inner marriage practice that is inside of our Love Spa that will guide you through the exercise of developing a deeper unity between the masculine and feminine.
Infatuation vs. Love
So, infatuation is usually an intense passion. An attraction for someone often we become infatuated with a person that we don’t know that well such as a celebrity, a movie star, a sports star. We may have no connection with this person but we become really passionate about the way they look, the way they act, what they do and that’s an infatuation.
When I was a young adult, there was a man that met me at a party. He was just out of college, a young man and he became very infatuated with me. The first time we connected we went out. I thought he was a nice guy but it became clear by the end of the date that he thought we were already on the road to a real romance or real relationship and so I had to put an end to it really quickly.
The problem was that he was infatuated so he kept calling and calling and my roommate would have to make excuses of why I couldn’t come to the phone. So, that was infatuation. It wasn’t based on fact. It was based on this desire or this neediness of someone that you like or you look up to.
Love is different. Love is real time shared with someone else where you get to know each other, support each other, care about each other. There is a mutual exchange of affection and of attraction for one another. This is the basis of what love is so the difference is infatuation is desire based on fantasy and love is care and support and attraction based on a real experience.
I met a man from a dating site that I had instant chemistry with. He texted, emailed and sent me flowers. No man has ever wanted me that bad. I slowly gave in and felt deeply in love. We dated for four months and then had our first argument. Then, he pretty much broke up with me. I am devastated and I want him back. Should I bother or not?
Well, this is a really really big life decision, love decision. And there are two schools of thought. One is love what is. Really embrace where you are right now. And still love him. Love and acknowledge him but as he’s wanted to move away from you, you let him go. And you just allow what wants to occur whether that be new energy coming in for you that is loving or maybe he will reflect and come back to you. But this is the way of flow, the way of ease. It is actually a light path.
And then there is another school of thought, which is fight for what you want. Fight for this love, get back in there and let this man know how much you really want to be in relationship with him. Fight for what you had that you know that it’s real. That you can get through things. That this one obstacle is not the end of your love, it’s actually the beginning of how well you can open up and grow and maybe develop each of your skills that would support you in loving even more. You may have to go to therapy but you get in there and you fight for what you want.
Now, this is a denser path because you don’t know if one fight will end up being multiple fights and you never feel like you get out of the ring. But that is a valid path. Each one of them is valid paths.
So, I want to leave you with this, magic occurs for us. When we follow the energy that brings us life that brings us vitality that brings us excitement that allows us to be more of who we really are and magic doesn’t occur for us when we do things that drain us, that exhaust us, that demand over and over, that we do things that are difficult.
I want you to have a magical experience in love. And so, I encourage you to follow the energy that will energize, revitalize, make you feel more than whom you were in the beginning, make you feel more of yourself, more fully fulfilled.
And don’t follow the energy that drains you, that frustrates you, that exhaust you, that makes you feel less confident, less love, less supported. You want to leave that behind. I’m not sure what that path is for you but there is a true path for you that will lead you to real relationship magic. Choose magic.
Karinna Kittles-Karsten, The Love Educator, is the founder of SacredLove.com an online dating, love school and fun couples membership site. She is also an internationally recognized relationship expert, speaker, author of the best-selling book, Intimate Wisdom, The Sacred Art of Love, and the creator/host of the popular DVD Sacred Love-Making.